i’m so Angry!
Angry! Man, I’m angry! Is there any good left? I just don’t know how to respond to this garbage anymore. Chitlada and I have been doing this for about 7 years now and just when we think we think we couldn’t be in another situation that would make us angry, here we are again.
Let me say, I get angry pretty easy when I hear about kids being abused, my wife on the other hand, it takes a lot to get her going. I just don’t understand how people can do it! When they do, I am shocked, disappointed and angry. When it happens to one of my kids, I am not only mad at the person who did it, but angry with myself for not being able to protect them, even though I didn’t even know them when it happened. I am also relieved, that they are not in that situation anymore, but they are with us in our house, far away from these selfish and evil people.
Yesterday, my wife decided to take 2 of our girls to the government hospital to see if there were any developmental problems. She made this decision because as she is homeschooling our children, she is noticing that these girls are having a really hard time, when it should be much easier. First, she had to teach them to read, which has taken almost a year for an 8 and 10 yr old.
Maybe my wife is a bad teacher? Maybe? But, the other kids have picked it up much faster. None of our kids aged 6-11 could read when we got them, that’s one of the major reasons we are homeschooling. Even our teenagers most had a hard time reading and couldn’t read at a passable level. Praise God! Now all of them can read and only 2 are having a hard time nailing it down.
When my wife arrived the hospital with the girls, she told them a little about their pasts. One of the girls had her mom die right in-front of her and had been extremely neglected since her mom passed. The other we assumed had some sexual trauma, but were not sure. Well! We found out that the little girl we got at 7 years old, told the psychologist that her father, HER REAL DAD! Had been raping her for years!!!
Ugh! Even writing that makes me so angry! WHY!?!?!??! Who does that? Why would you do that? As a father I can’t even imagine having that desire! My stomach hurts just thinking about it and I have an overwhelming urge to kill that man and hug my daughter! She is one of the cutest and sweetest girls you will ever meet and her own father stole her innocence from her.
Now, after I get passed the thought of killing him, I want justice for her! If our daughter is not there, I am 100% positive that the father will find someone else to ruin! But there is nothing we can do! This little girl loves her mom and dad more than anything in the world and asking her if she can tell on her dad hasn’t gone over to well with any of the girls we have, big or little. It takes years before they even see how they can protect someone else by telling on their dad. It is so hard knowing this man will be on the streets looking for another victim. Castrated or killed is all that comes to my mind. But I have to remember that verse in Roman 12:19
“….avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.”
When I’m feeling extremely angry and hopeless, it's important for me to turn to the Bible for help, comfort, and a new way of looking at things. The Bible has the best advice about dealing with anger, seeking justice, and finding peace through faith.
I think about what Psalm 37:7-9 says:
7Be still before the Lord
and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.
9 For those who are evil will be destroyed,
but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.
These verses remind me to believe that the Lord will make things fair and not let anger control us. I remember near the end of time the people who have been killed for the kingdom of God in Revelation 6 will turn to God and say:
they cried with a loud voice, saying, “How long, O Lord, holy and true, until You judge and avenge our blood on those who dwell on the earth?”
Even they have a need for justice but God replies to them and says:
“that they should rest a little while longer”
When I have to rest and I want justice I have to remember that I have to trust in God and recite Proverbs 3:5-6:
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
That means I have to trust God's plan and guidance when I’m not sure what to do and filled with rage. I trust that God’s word is true and He will do everything that He says he will and I can find a lot of comfort in Psalm 147:3 :
He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
So, when your like us and see lots of pain and suffering, you have to know that God is there to make things better and heal the hurt.
Even though it's natural to want justice, the Bible says forgiveness is important and we think that this will have the greatest impact on our daughters life, spiritually and emotionally. Matthew 6:14-15 explains: "If you forgive other people when they do wrong to you, God will also forgive you. But if you don't forgive others, God won't forgive your wrongs."
Forgiving others can be hard, but it's what Jesus taught us to do and it is one of the most healing things we can do. When we finally find the strength in God to let go of everything we are holding on to, the shame, hurt, pain and guilt, it is the most freeing thing anyone can ever experience.
When you're dealing with so much anger and unfairness, your faith can make you stronger and help you find a way to heal and forgive. Keep getting support from your faith community and believe in God's plan, even when things seem really dark. Always turn to God and His word to guide you on what to do. Its not easy, trust me, but it works so well!
All of the pictures in this blog were generated from AI. This is such a sensitive subject that I didn’t want to post pictures of my family, because someone might get the wrong idea about someone or think that I am talking about someone I am not, plus my wife doesn’t take pictures and I’m in the states.